So, Santa, I've been wondering...
Do you really have flying reindeer? Of course I do. How else do you think I could get around the world so quickly? My magic reindeer can go a sqwatrillion times faster than any airplane, and they don’t need gas. Well, they sort of make their own gas. For the week leading up to Christmas, the only thing we feed them is, you guessed it, beans. I know it sounds gross, but it works. They are also a very special breed of reindeer, and as far as I know, they’re the only ones that fly. The mechanics of it have all been explained to me, but, to be honest, I don’t understand it, so I forget how it works. The full explanation can be read in a paper that one of our veterinarians wrote.
Who are all the Santa’s in the Mall? Those are my helpers, and I would be LOST without them. They help me in many ways. They talk to you and find out what you’re thinking and then report back to me. They help me locate specific toys in local towns that I may not be able to make here at TinkerTank, or even know about. They work with the parents to arrange more complicated gifts. BUT, most importantly, they help me keep tabs on who really is naughty or nice, so if you’re wondering how I know, trust me, I do, because they keep an eye on you. And they’re everywhere. All year round, not just at Christmas.
Why are you so fat? I’m not. It’s just a special suit that I wear to keep me warm. There is no heater in that sled! Some of the Santas before me were pretty plump, but that was before we know what we know now about the importance of eating right, exercising and staying fit. So I’m in pretty darn good shape, for an old guy. You also have to remember that all the pictures you’ve seen of me have usually been when I was out delivering toys, so I needed the big suit to stay warm. At home, I’m a jeans and t-shirt guy. I pretty much look like the guy next door.
I thought you had a big white beard? Nope. Once again, a lot of the Santa’s before me did, but I just didn’t like it. Couldn’t see my handsome face! Plus, it would just collect ice and snow, drove me nuts. I prefer a scarf. But, Santas before me have had beards, though I don’t think they were really as bushy as they look in pictures. I’m thinking that they had beards and all, but that they were totally covered in ice and snow by the time people caught a glimpse, so they looked much bigger and bushier than they were. Personally, I just find it too much to deal with. Hair, in general, is not my thing. Too much trouble, and I have enough to deal with.
Do you give pets to kids? No. Pet’s are a lot of responsibility, and that is something that a family has to be prepared for. SO I always tell kids to talk to their parents about pets, and be prepared to help out a lot if they get one for you. Pets are just like little people, only furrier, so it’s like adding another person to the family. They’re great, but they’re a lot of work!
Why do you give me things my mom won’t? Well, that’s a tricky one. Moms and dads have to try really hard not to spoil their kids | they are trying to raise you to be responsible, and humble, and generous and all that. And, if they’re doing a good job, then I get to come in and spoil you a little | kind of like a grandparent. Because my job, really, is to make sure that you still believe in magic and to remind you that the world is full of wonderful surprises and gifts of many kinds.
Are you nocturnal? No, but my reindeer are. In fact, I like to go to bed early, because my favorite time of day is the really early morning when most people are still asleep. I like to get out of bed early and go for a run, and then check out the factories and all the barns of animals before the day gets started for everyone else. It’s kind of like meditation for me. I don’t really like staying up late, so Christmas Eve is a little tough for me to get going, but then, the excitement of it all kicks in and I get lots of energy.
Why don’t I get everything on my list? Probably because your list is too long and you just don’t need all that stuff. Call me old fashioned, but I just don’t think that kids need all the junk that is sold to them, especially at the holidays. If I see a letter where a sweet child has only asked for 2 or 3 things, I try really hard to get them, because I know they thought really hard about what they really want. But, if some kid asks for everything under the sun and thinks they should get it all, I tend to just give them whatever I have left. I’ve been accused of being a real crab about this, but I think it’s something that kids need to learn.
